The Filipina Mom in Denmark

I introduced our National Hero Dr. Jose Rizal to my son and husband when we visited his monument in Spain last December which is near my parent’s flat but unfortunately I haven’t took any pictures because we forgot our camera . So when we came back after 3 weeks this time I made sure I took my camera with me and took some pictures just after the little guy run and played in the big park beside the monument.

I will teach my my son about the Philippine’s history especially the life of Jose Rizal. He was every mother’s dream just imagine that he studied Opthalmology in UST (University of Santo Thomas) upon learning that his mother is going to be blind. But because of the Spanish friars discrimination of Filipino students he went to study abroad particularly in Spain to study medicine when and later in Paris and Germany.

The Jose Rizal Monument in Madrid was erected during his centennial in 1996 and inaugurated 5th of December 2006. It is located in a busy street called Avenida de Filipinas ( The Phlippines Avenue) and near a Metro or Subway station called Islas de Filipinas.

Dr. Jose P. Rizal is the Philippine’s National Hero. He was born June 18, 1861 and died by firing squad at Luneta Bagumbayan in December 30, 1896. He is academician, a linguist, writer, historian,scientist and a doctor. He studied in Ateneo de Manila , University of Santo Thomas, Universidad Central de Madrid, Paris and Germany. He valued education so much that

He said;

Youth are the hope of the Nation

and he issued a manifesto before his execution that;

disavowing the revolution and declaring that the education of Filipinos and their achievement of a national identity were prerequisites to freedom

Just imagine if he is alive today he will sure be blogging.

Dr. Jose P.Rizal

Another view of the monument

Mi Ultimo Adios

Avenida de Filipinas

Know more about our hero at the following links:

http://www.joserizal.ph

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Rizal

We will learn a lot from his life and his writings about peaceful means of reform he did not believe in violence. But to achieve total reformation we as a Filipinos should learn to know about our heritage and be proud to a Filipino no matter who are doctor or domestic helper anywhere in the world. Like Dr. Jose Rizal a citizen of the world but his heart still belongs to his Motherland the Philippines.

Do you know Jose Rizal? I’m proud to be a Filipino. Are You?

President Barack Obama, The 44th President of the USA

Today is a special day in fact a historic day. By 18.00 here in Denmark we will see live telecast of the Inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of The USA. What makes it special is that he represent hopes and faith in ordinary people like me and you that as a half-African-American can be a president in a country like the USA. Being a half-black he proves that he is not inferior to the white race by finishing his studies at the Harvard University amidst the hardship of tackling the harsh realities of life of racial discrimination. But thanks to his mother and his white grandparents who raised him as God fearing Christian and instilling faith in people and guiding him toward finishing an education which of course that leads him to the presidential office.

He doesn’t only bring hope to the Americans but also to the whole world. People who are labeled just another ethnic background, ethnic minorities, foreigners or immigrants even though these people are holding danish citizenship and have been living here most of their lives also hopes that the danish politicians and the ordinary citizens accepts them as fellow citizens and acknowledge their credentials as part of the society. I’m a foreigner married to a Dane went to a danish language school and still go an International Line in a Danish Educational Institution but still I can feel the difference and reluctance of the locals teachers and students about the capabilities of foreigners. In a country where there’s a huge shortage of workers doctors, nurses an other health workers and other professions it’s very odd that they are not utilizing the vast resources they have on hand just because they are foreigners? There’s alot of sad stories like one guy who has a PH.d degree in a Danish university still drives a taxi and a guy who was an Architect and a professor in his country cannot practice here but sells clothes although he tried to study again but the teachers are like his students he knows more than them do he stops. These stories makes me think about my future because studying isn’t a pass to get a job here. It’s hard to get a job interview if you have a foreign sounding name. What’s even worst those who were borne and raised here but still they are being referred to as second or third generation immigrants and being seen as the bad ones. I’m not proud that these foreigners do stupid things and just relying on social benefits but they doesn’t represent everybody. The Filipinos and most Asians are the most industrious people here and they just want to work and provide for their families. USA is an immigrant’s country unlike Denmark and the rest of Europe but they were the ones who immigrated to USA in the old times but isn’t it the human way to cope with changes either forced or by choice to migrate. It’s their country and they have all the right to protect it but the world is changing because of globalization and influx of migration and they cannot stop it. But I just hope the danish politicians and the people perception of foreigners in Denmark will change from fear to acceptance but if they will make law, address the problems or cautions to to make their life useful here in the country I think we will see lesser problems in the future. Or maybe we will find another Barrack Obama in the future.

Soon there will be elections in the Philippines and I do hope that there will another Barack Obama that will unite the Filipinos. It doesn’t matter where he/she comes from, whether from the elite or from the masa (ordinary people) but the most important thing is the will to govern without bowing from anyone either from businessmen, world bank, friends, politicians, family and others with their own selfish motives. We are a young nation compared to these Europeans countries but we have to stand up and make the right choice next time. People have to voice out heir opinions and with the power of the people which was before the fight is on the street. But like Barack Obama the people who shares his beliefs in change and dreams, used the power of the internet to mobilize the people who believes in him.

I believe there’s still hope if the people will live in harmony forget the Filipino’s crab mentality (if I can’t have it neither than you) and the danish Jante lov (Don’t you think you’re better than us ) which means almost the same isn’t it? but that’s another separate post. What we need is respect and faith in the human race whatever race or color or religion we still can live in harmony if respects each other beliefs and opinions and obey the law of the host country we’re living.

MABUHAY (Long Live)

SKÅL

CHEERS

to you President Barack Obama Congratulations and Good Luck

A long distance relationship… What kind of relationship is that?

“Ask a Danish man who is married to a Filipina “I said when I was told about my brother who was leaving his wife and 2 children at home, in search for greener pastures in Spain. Two months later my sister-in-law found out that she was pregnant with twins! Most westerners can not understand why Filipinos leave their families to work abroad.

I went home and looked back at my own Filipino family’s saga on how we became a truly global Filipino family.

In a traditional Filipino family, the father is considered the head and the provider of the family and he is often referred to as the “ Haligi ng Tahanan”, The Pillar of the Home. While the mother takes the responsibility of taking care of the children and managing the home, she is called the “Ilaw ng Tahanan” or the light of the home. Children see their mother as soft and calm, while they regard their father as strong and the eminent figure in the family.

But in our case our mother is the one who has the strong character; she is not only a mother to us but she also does some of the things that my father lacks like handy man, and sometimes also making ends meet when my father’s earnings can’t support their 5 children.

My father tends our fishponds but sometimes typhoons, floods, and other calamities that always pass through our province make it a very unstable source of income. He also used to be a Biyahero a merchant so we had market stalls in 3 towns in Pangasinan (a Northern Province in Luzon island, ed.) but it was still not enough to provide good education for us kids which was their dream since they had only minimal education themselves.

In 1981 our lives changed when my mother left us to join her siblings here in Denmark to find work. I still can remember that time, I cried for several hours because I cannot imagine what our life will be without her. In a family, the mother is the light for all the pains and comforts. She is the light for all the mistakes and corrections. She is the light for all the happiness and sorrows. Without that light, the house can still stand but, there will be darkness. And with the darkness, there will be constant searching for direction and survival.

I was the eldest of the five children and I was 11 at the time she left us. Her responsibilities fel on my shoulder: I washed our clothes, cooked our food, and cleaned the house. I also became the surrogate mother of my youngest sister who was only 2 years old at that time. My brothers were 6 and 8 years old and my other sister was 9. There was a constant feeling of sadness and deep longing for us to be with our mother. Birthdays, Christmas, graduations and all the special events without our mother will forever be etched in our hearts. Gifts we received like new toys or new clothes were a momentary plaster to the emotional sores that made us numb with longing for family togetherness.

I can’t remember how I felt when I saw my mother for the first time in 4 years but what I can vividly remember was my youngest sister reaction at that time. She could not recognize my mother, it took her a month to get to used to the idea that we have indeed a mother. The site of the postman was a relief during that time. I can’t describe the excitement whenever we received greeting cards or letters from our mother. That was during the pre-internet age and there were no telephone lines in our place. Whenever we missed her we would just read her letters to reassure ourselves that she still with us but just thousands of miles away.

If it was difficult for us kids, it was even more so for our father who had to assume the mother and father roles at the same time especially when we reached puberty. My father was very strict with us: no parties, no gimmicks and no discos. I almost did not attend the Junior Senior Prom (Dance Ball). There was a lot of resentment and confusion for a teenager due to hormonal changes to our bodies that were happening, but somehow we managed through the help of my one and only female cousin. Most of my aunts and uncles were also abroad at that time so mostly we had to manage ourselves.

Later, our father left us to join my mother who moved to Spain 8 years later because there were already 2 of us who went to college. After a few months my sister followed him, leaving my 2 brothers and youngest sister under the care of my grandmother. I was in college and lived in Manila at that the time until my other siblings joined me when they went to college. My parents went home every 3 years after that.

Living without our parents was difficult but it made us closer to each other, and stronger to face life’s challenges. We’ve been through a lot of problems like studying, jobs and relationship problems. We even experienced that our apartment burned down not only once but twice with most of our priced possessions like pictures from childhood and most of the material things I gained while working, burned into ashes. We were lucky to receive help from other people like my employer at that time, who gave us financial help when we needed it most. But those experiences taught us that the family is more important thing than anything else in one’s life. Material things can vanish any time.

My parents were present during our graduation except my youngest sister’s graduation. When we entered the Philippines Convention Center where our graduation was, one can clearly see the tears in their eyes and the pride to see us in our togas, when we went up the stage to receive our diplomas.

I got a degree in Civil Engineering and is now pursuing another degree in Constructing Architect or Architectural Technology here in Denmark. One brother is dentist and one is a Electronics and Communication Engineer. My youngest sister finished Chemical Engineering, and another sister finished International Relations studies.

It was the dream of my parent for us to finish our education so we will have a better chance to have a good future.

But there’s an anti climax to our story. After several years of working in the Philippines, we still could not see a better future for all of us, we followed  our parents footsteps and are now joining the millions of global Filipinos trying to find a better future, which our own country unfortunately cannot provide us.

My family are composed of global migrants of 2  generations both on my father and mother’s side, families with one or both parents working abroad and children living here in Denmark, my parents are in Spain, my sister and myself here in Denmark. Others cousins and relatives are in the USA and one is a seaman. Some cousins also works in Dubai and other parts of the Middle East.  We vowed once not to follow our parent’s footsteps because we don’t want our children to undergo what we have been through. Although we can alway join our parents in Spain but maybe it’s our destiny to find our happiness here  in Denmark and we are grateful to our Aunt Elvira and her family for inviting us here where we met our husband and lives a better life than living in the Philippines.  Spain is much closer and cheaper and we’re hoping to to spend our first Christmas together this year with our complete family, it will be the first since 1981.

Did my parents dream turn into nothing because we are working and living abroad after earning our academic degrees in the Philippines? No I don’t think so, It is not our fault that the economy of the Philippines is in disarray and that it can not keep its highly educated citizens home. But we will always be thankful to the sacrifices of our parents because having education is the best thing they can give us because it will never vanish and someday it will help us to find the right jobs here in Europe.

Even in the absence of the Light of the Home, we still functioned as a family because of the sacrifice my parents did just for the sake of a better future for their children. They became our guiding light to stay away from all kinds of temptations and we became responsible adults. It’s the love for the family that drives many Filipinos to leave and work abroad.

Our First Family Picture taken in 2001

This is our first and only family picture in 2001 meaning that finally we are complete as family plus the my sister in law and my niece.

Note:  This article was first published in ABAKADA,”Ang Balitang Kababaihan sa Denmark”, (The Filipina news in Denmark) in the Summer 2008 issue which theme is about Filipino Women’s on global migration. You can read other articles in that issue at www.babaylan.dk.

I posted this article because we will joining my parents in Spain are for the first time in 27 years we will spend the Christmas together as a family. It will be the realization of our dream and prayers for the past 27 years to be together during christmas but now that that we have our own families it will be more exciting and memorable for all of us.

That is for me the meaning of christmas to be with your family like the family in Bethlehem Our Lord Jesus together with His Parents and that will be the greatest gift that we will never forget.

How about you are you going to spend your christmas with your family?

The Filipinas are among the Top 10 way above the Danish women in terms of closing the gap between genders. The Philippines continues to be in the top way above the developed countries and the only Asian Country to be included in the survey conducted by the World Economic Forum.

Ever since the Swiss based World Economic Forum started their survey in 2005, the Philippines have been consistent in its Top 6 rank where Denmark rose from Rank 8 last year to rank 9 this year.

There 4 fundamental factors this study or survey were based from

· Economic participation and opportunity- female labour force over male

· Educational attainment – Literacy rate of women over male

· Political Empowerment- women with ministerial positions, members of the parliament or Senate and congress and head of state over the past 50 years leaders

· Health Survival- female life expectancy over male and sex ratio at birth

The gender gap index showed that Filipino women have achieved equality or surpassed men in educational attainment, healthy life expectancy and improving opportunities for skilled women professionals. The country’s scores on political empowerment also improved further as well as other economic indicators such as estimated income, labour force participation and income equality for similar work.

Top 10 Global Gender Gap Index

1. Norway

2. Finland

3. Sweden

4. Iceland

5. New Zealand

6. Philippines

7. Denmark

8. Ireland

9. Holland

10. Latvia

You can also download the pdf file of the report.

Source: World Economic Forum

The Filipinas and the Danish both got a top score when it comes to educational attainment, and more women in the Labour force as legislators, senior officials, and managers as well as professional and technical workers.

Some basic data between Denmark and the Philippines

But if you look at the table above the Danish women fare much better with having twice the length of paid maternity leave of a Filipina.

Here in abroad sometimes when you say that you are from the Philippines they just nod their head and thinks that most of us are domestic helpers, care givers, entertainers, aupairs or just out to find a rich husbands we should be proud that we are world class because there is gender equality in our country.

We have big future ahead of us we are still young as a country in comparison with the other countries in the top 10. But thanks to the OFW’s ( the domestic helpers, the care givers, the aupairs, etc.) who are also a big factor why the Filipina women are on top positions and educational attainments because their remittance help finance the education or schooling of their families.

We still needs a lot of improvement in some areas like the maternity leave benefits which are far below the develop countries, more women in the congress and the Senate, reduce the infant mortality rate of 24 out 1000 birth and mortality rate of mother at birth of 230 out 1000. With the results of this survey I hope that the Philippine government will do something to close the gender gap to help reduce hunger and poverty.

Don’t you think it is amazing were Top 6 when it comes to gender equality?

I just read an article today from Søndagavisen, a free weekly newspaper about this Helicopter parents. It is funny word but I think this is a special danish word for parents who control or steers their children life. This  article is about the increasing numbers of parents who keeps calling the universities or other educational institutions regarding their children’s university’s applications. Note that July 5 is the last day of sending nationwide college application.

Many parents takes care of almost all of their children problems like just like this sending the application on time while their children are in Roskilde festival or traveling.  The authorities in the some universities are busier than ever answering queries and complaints from than from applicants.

They also said that this phenomenon’s is widely known known in the USA where parents form a union,  I think it is College of Parents America.  Some of the experts they interview were quite alarm by this parents controlling their children’s affair.  They said that children will become so dependent of their parents and children will totally be crushed when their parents gone, since they will not live forever.

If they only how is it in the Philippines. It so natural for the Filipino parents  to decide their children’s course in the  future.  Some wanted their children to be in the same profession as the parents for example doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. but some also dreams that their children will be someone in the future. Most parent are so protective that they even deliver and fetch them in school even they are already in college.

Here in Denmark where children moves out when they turn 18 and decide to study. They have to find and pay their own apartment and just  live with their SU, the state’s stipend.  They have to work part time if their expenses can not be suppoted by their stipend.

But back in the Philippines parents shoulder everything form tuition fees to board and lodging and allowances.  That is why children just have to concentrate studying.

But I think I will be a part time Helicopter parent because I’m a Filipina mom.  I want the best for my son and I will always guide him continue studying but I will not dictate him what I want him to be but what he wanted to be.  I will see to it that he will go to college because here in Denmark only  half from the high school graduates  go to college.  Most of them don’t know what course to take, some don’t get accepted,  some don’t have place in the college so they work after that they take a detour forgot about college.  Of course it’s doesn’t make then lesser person because here everybody is equal whoever you are garbage man or member of the parliament has same rights and privileges in their social welfare.  But they have free education and stipend which I think is a privilege just imagine in the Philippines we have to pay everything.

How about you are you gonna be a Helicopter Parent?